Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
