New low: just hacked my moms facebook
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
3pm strippers are depressing
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
