My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
