One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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