I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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