You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
