I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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