oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
50% drunk capacity currently
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
