remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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