I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
