please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
