Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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