I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i drank out of a bidet.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
