i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
