I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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