On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
