Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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