I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
