Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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