Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
