my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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