i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
