I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My cat gives me a boner
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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