I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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