Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
