i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
