it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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