I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
