Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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