someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
