When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize