A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
