Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
