so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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