your parents love me but you hate me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
