Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize