im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
