yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
