I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
