Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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