I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
