are you still at the devil's house?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
