people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
