I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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