why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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