Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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