100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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