so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
