Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
