i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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