Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
