My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
