No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
