just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
