I wanna passion pit in your ass
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
