I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
