they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
