I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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