"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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