Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
