I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
did i walk over a car last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
