I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
