you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
