What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
