i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
