Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dear god my vagina.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
