dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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