I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
