There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
