as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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