im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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