The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
