I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We don't watch enough power rangers
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
