I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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