just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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