That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Drunk is not a location!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
