Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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