Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
