Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
