If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
