I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
